Weird Sports Games 3 - Dashin' Desperadoes (Genesis, 1993)

 

Dashin' Desperadoes (Data East, 1993)

Let's get THIS shit out of the way right now:

HOWWWWWWWWWWDY~

Okay! Dashin' Desperadoes strains the premise of these "weird sports" posts quite a lot I'll admit. Even though there's a ton of platforming, bomb throwing and enemy-jumping-on, if your goal is to reach the end of the stage before someone else that makes it a racing game, right?

It's the classic story; Cool cowdudes Will and Rick were lifelong pals until Jenny came to town. Will and Rick love Jenny. Jenny loves BLOODSPORT.

With the promise of a kiss their only reward, Will and Rick brutally fight-race each other across the world to be the first to reach Jenny. The rest of the world, knowing a couple of dipshits when they see them, are here to dish out beatings of their own.

Aside from the novelty of a 2-player footracing game, the variety of injury animations are the biggest draw of Dashin' Desperadoes. People will open doors in your face, birds will try to carry you away, dogs will chomp down on your pants, trucks will stop just so they can back over you...the Western (as in, not Japanese) art style really gives the impression that Data East was aiming for a playable cartoon, and I'm here for it.

burning to death AND about to get mauled as your best bud skateboards away

lots of fun animation

The soundtrack is EXTREMELY ROOTIN' AND TOOTIN'; not remarkable but plenty energetic for the mad dash action. The graphics are kind of a mixed bag, though. Compared to its Neo Geo cousin Spin Master, Dashin' Desperadoes' could be way more colorful. The small viewing area (split screen is enabled even in single player mode) is a bummer too because it can be hard to get your bearings and see what's coming up ahead. The higher-res effect used in Sonic 2's split screen race mode would have gone to great use here!

Really--look it up!

Every couple of races, Rick--or maybe Will--will kidnap Jenny and force you to blow his truck up to get her back. However, all is forgiven between Jenny and her kidnapper afterward and the chase begins anew. These three were made for each other!

Pictured: a good screenshot

The two-player mode is st where moof the fun comes from, though! Stage layouts are different and of course screwing over a real life opponent with bombs is much more entertaining than playing against the CPU. Unfortunately, the truck chase stages are replaced with a less interesting minigame.

Dashin' Desperadoes was only released in the US, though a look at the prototype ROM shows that a Japan release was planned under the title Rumble Kids. Maybe this is the reason the game is a little expensive on ebay. If you can find a player two then you should give it a shot, pardner!

Obscure 16-bit character: Grind McRoo (Sega Mega Drive, 1992)

How long has it been since I did a fake game cartridge? How long has it been since I posted regularly on this blog at all? Yikes.

Honestly, I've never considered myself much of a writer and though I do still make content here and there, most of it is consigned to my Twitter. My Twitter is excellent and you should be reading it. Follow my Twitter you cowards.

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A n y w a y, your boy is back again with GRIND McROO: SKATE NO BOUKEN! An excellent artist who goes by Grind3h on Twitter posted an adorable drawing of an old character of hers named Grind McRoo:

credit: twitter.com/grind3h, www.grind3h.com

A rollerblading dragon kangaroo? The first thought that came to mind was "forgotten 16-bit mascot game that never made it out of Japan" so I got down to business.

So we've got a couple issues here, the cartridge is obviously a western Genesis cart instead of a Japanese Mega Drive one. I was also not feeling nearly energetic enough to pixel any mockup screenshots for it (might try one later, though).

Overall though I really like how it turned out, and it was fun and rewarding to do a Japanese style package without the constraints of all the various logos and borders and other things that mess up their western box art!

Check out Allie's work at Grind3h.com and thanks for looking, as always. The theme of my next few posts will be "Weird Racing Games" (real games this time)

A Month of Horror Games - Bio-Hazard Battle

"Who can say that a similar crisis will never occur again?"

Biohazard Battle...is it a stretch to call this one horror? I'll allow it. The bio-mechanical designs are reminiscent of R-Type and the music definitely fits the bill:

The story is appropriately dark as well. The "First Global Bio-War" ends up being the last, as one side unleashes a powerful retrovirus that devastates the globe, rendering it uninhabitable. The remainders of humanity retreat to an orbiting space station to be placed in cryo-sleep until the world becomes livable again. Also in suspended animation are four living weapons used in the Bio-War, organic aircraft with the ability to change their genetic structure depending on powerups they collect.

Centuries pass, and the station's computers awaken the biowarriors when the atmosphere is deemed livable enough for humans. The only problem now are the creatures infesting every inch of the planet ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

This game is cruelly difficult. Some fresh hell is crawling around every corner and it's not particularly interested whether you're powered up enough to deal with it. The graphics are dark and full of detail; they particularly shine in the dense forested levels, though thematically speaking I really liked the stages showing the crumbling ruins of human society, teeming with gross weirdos. The odd, muted soundtrack is excellent at evoking a sense of dread, particularly the boss theme.

Up there's the Stage 3 boss (who apparently made an impression on the designer of the Genesis cover art), a skull-headed snake creature that emerges from what appears to be the dessicated remains of a gigantic humanoid figure. I'm not sure what exactly it's supposed to be but the story implications are pretty upsetting.

Near the end you find a mothership (either the same ship or similar to the one that dropped you off in the first stage) that has become infected by the biomonsters and must be dealt with. Bummer. Are they sure this planet is ready for prime time?

The Japanese version of Bio-Hazard Battle is known as Crying: Biological War. Odd as the title is, I like how it suggests the eco-horror tragedy of people making their own world inhospitable towards them. What's really inhospitable is how Crying doesn't have autofire--because of this I assume the Japanese version is just fucking impossible. Bio-Hazard Battle had autofire added in and it's still too damn hard.

Is it good? The game is fairly affordable online, but I'd only give it a light recommend; the atmosphere created by the graphics, the dark, bass-heavy soundtrack, and the bleak backstory is great. On the other hand the gameplay is a little underwhelming and overly difficult while lacking that intangible "It Factor" you get with some shooters. Most of the problem lies in the difficulty of positioning the player's Gradius-style option when enemies attack from behind.

I'd say emulate it first, and if it's your thing, then Bio-Hazard Battle is an attractive part of any Genesis/Megadrive collection.

Halloween Games - Daimakaimura / Ghouls 'n Ghosts

Halloween is fast approaching! I'm depressed about it actually...the best part of Halloween is October 1st through the 25th. After that all I can think about is that soon it will have come and gone and then what will I have? Thanksgiving? Get that shit out of my face.

So as usual I didn't have time to do all the stuff (photos, posts, comics, label designs) that I had planned for October but if I only get one more blog post this month I might as well make it about one of the best, most Halloween games ever--Ghouls 'n Ghosts.

Yeah, two Makaimura posts in a row, I guess I've been a bit obsessed with it this month. Ghouls 'n Ghosts improves on the original Ghosts 'n Goblins in every possible way: Arthur feels more maneuverable, he can attack upward and downward, enemies have more detail and character, and there is even an awesome Gold Armor powerup that gives the player a charge attack (sadly Arthur isn't wearing his silver armor underneath the gold--take a hit in gold armor and you still go back to your underwear).

Screenshot credit: VGMuseum.com

I really have nothing new to add to the Ghouls 'n Ghosts discussion when there are such excellent writeups on the subject already, so please enjoy the spooky photos. As you can see, my candles + blacklight obsession has been upgraded with the purchase of a fog machine! I'm confident that these are, to date, the most dramatic and heroic photos of the Ghouls 'n Ghosts packaging available online.

Bonus photo that had great fog effects, but not enough light on the subject.